Accept and Embrace - Solitude, Self Love, and Singleness
You shouldn’t wear white to your Quinceañera because if you do, then what will you wear on your wedding day?
That’s just one of the many myths we grow up listening to. Ever since we are young girls, our parents or loved ones hint at any handsome little boy as our “novio” or “el amiguito.” Then there are all of the shows on television with the perfectly imperfect couples or the good old Disney princess classics where the story always ends with a happily ever after.
However, here I am.. 27 years old still waiting for Prince Charming to come and sweep me off my feet and effortlessly remind me why it never worked with anyone else. Oh, how romantic! But the reality is that I am single, REAL DAMN SINGLE. You are probably thinking, “Oh you’re young, you have time.” This I am certain of but society has a way of constantly reminding me of my singleness. Every family party, every phone call to my native island, the Dominican Republic, involves the question and mention of a relationship. It's not just family. There are other people in our lives like friends who are in relationships and can’t fully empathize with us.
At the same time, my interactions with quality men lessen. I mean.. I believe there are some Kings out there but at the current moment I am constantly reminded of the fuckboy epidemic taking over the world of relationships in modern America—or maybe even the world.
I want a husband and a family—but at the same time, I am learning and loving my solitude. Solitude sounds so dark. Accepting and loving oneself is the relationship we did not get to see on TV.
I admire my upbringing for making me aware and conscious of the societal fear imposed on our culture, especially women. Think of our parents, many of them, immigrants in the U.S. They were bold and brave enough to come here but also scared, excited, and willing to fight and struggle for families and opportunities they possibly wouldn’t even get to see or benefit for themselves. They feared- resulting in many of us growing up with fear. I think of the first time I mentioned a sleep over to my parents or going away for college. It was like an FBI investigation with background checks for everyone involved. The fear for me had adverse effects. It made me more curious and, in many ways, fearless. Today I acknowledge it as one of the reasons I am so resilient, so ready for what life has too offer. I was willing and have always been intrigued by that which many fear—the road less taken.
I embrace the uncomfortable because I found that the purest forms of self revelation and self evolution at often times, come from darkness. As the saying goes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Embrace the lesson.
You realize that you are never truly alone. As I like to say "the Universe got your back." I went away to college. I traveled across the world to India during college being the only one of my kind. It was exhilarating to view the world from an entirely different culture. Furthermore, to represent my own cultural traditions and my lifestyle. I have found myself being the only Dominican American at leadership conferences, networking events, and I have strayed away from the shyness and instead embraced the fact that I stand out. I bring a different perspective to any situation I am placed in. I have learned to love and accept this—despite whoever decides to embrace it.
I’ve worked hard to be this positive— It took a lot of negative thoughts, bad times, overcoming depression and dealing with anxiety to care for myself, embrace my struggles as lessons learned. It made me empathetic , one of the reasons why I attract so many dope souls. I survived because I learned to be my own cheerleader. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Don’t give it up. Kill them with confidence!
I have learned to love myself and my singleness—I focus on me. That doesn’t make me selfish or self- centered. It makes me self invested. When you invest work towards clarity, whether that's emotional health, physical health, financial clarity, you realize a shift in your energy levels. You attain a positive outlook on your life and the drive to follow those goals and dreams you’ve set for yourself.
Many proclaim the belief that when you least expect it and find self love, you will find your lifelong partner. What if we create the narrative of it being perfectly OK to be single? Yes, I said it, being single and happy! Only in our solitude can we embrace ourselves fully. Of course we can open ourselves and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to a genuine connection, but also know that your singleness is OK.
We see many older women who are single and or childless and feel bad or wonder if they have failed at life. As a society, we don't do enough to empower these women. In the same retrospect, we know many women who are in marriages where they feel lonely or women who are restrained from exploring and discovering more of the world because of the relationships they are in. I mention this to bring light to that fact that a relationship doesn't equate to happiness—- self fulfillment and achievement will provide more for you in the long run than any man can!
So my dear queens. Be fearless, discover the beauty in your solitude. Explore the limitless world and be resilient in the pursuit of your own goals and ambitions. Feel empowered in the life you define for yourself and don’t let other dictate the life you are destined to live. You have everything you need within you. Tap into that endless potential —live to your life to the fullest —-you got this. Slay, queen, slay!
My name is Jodeily and I am a Real Mujer.